Off the Cuff

I feel pretty awesome right now...I subscribed to Rolling Stone. Doesn't that put me in the elite category of cool magazine subscribers? I think so...

Show Your World To Me

"May “for better or worse” be far better than worse.

May the most you ever wish for
Be the least you ever receive.

May the saddest day of your future
Be no worse than the happiest day of your past."

Rest Your Head

A rant for today:

I am capable.
I am busy.
I am helpful.
I am patient.
I am willing.
I am able.
I am confident.
I am experienced.
I am knowledgeable.
I am honest.

I am not the deadbeat loser on the other end of the phone who doesn't know what she's talking about, I am also not the person to bother today due to your lacking ability to do your own job. I will not be the kid bullied into deadlines and approvals that are not ready. I am also not the punching bag for those who can't do their own jobs and wait until the last minute to request a project that could not, and will not be completed to save your sorry butt. I will not answer anymore phone calls from people who are demeaning, degrading and condescending, nor will I will be the nice guy (or girl!) when someone blames me for missing invoices and accounting errors that I did not commit.

I will do things on the my pace. I will get things done when I get them done. I will be here all day to help. But I will play Spider Solitaire when you annoy and rush me. I do not answer questions about projects that don't pertain to me, and I will not do something to bend the rules for you because you didn't prepare. But I will send you to voicemail and refuse to call you back. And I will be sure and memorize your number so that no one ever picks up your phone call again.

Happy now?

I Don't Need To Think

It's amazing how songs can transport back into memories. Songs that I hear from high schoool remind of that same gym lobby smells and insecure feelings. I can't listen to certain songs for long periods of time because they cause me to feel 16 again, and it's really hard to pull myself back to 24. But at the same time, they are memories of times that made me feel more than a normal teenage girl, they made me feel brave, and rebellious and carefree.

A playlist of remembrance:

The Ataris - "So Long, Astoria"
Dave Matthews Band - "Pay For What You Get"
Alanis Morrisette - "No Pressure Over Cappucino"
Incubus - "Mexico"
The Beatles - "Come Together"
Pat Magee Band - "Rebecca"
Sister Hazel - "Your Mistake"

But, the good thing about music, is that it is always news and always refreshing. And the songs that I've found recently and the memories I have made, have trumped and diminished the inadequacies I felt in high school. They have been replaced with college memories filled with freedom, and joy and real friendships.

I think I'll always remember the smell of the gym floor, or classroms of high school, but the friends from college remain the most memorable of all.

I Will Go In This Way

The Top 10 Best Dave Matthews Band Songs

http://www.aolradioblog.com/2009/06/01/10-best-dave-matthews-songs/

I agree with this list. Great music!

Got A Couple Cents

It's summer! What a great time. Except that the heat really stinks.

These past few months have been intense. I've never celebrated, cried, worried, sang, prayed, hugged, kissed, missed and just plain worked harder then I ever have in my life. I've had more times to be happy and joyful then ever before, and I know the memories made this Spring will some of my favorite, and most tender. But at the same time, I've felt more frustrated and lonely then I have before.

For the longest time I've felt that if I could make it to June 1, my life would finally settle down. I would have two married best friends, a completed fiscal year at work, time to actually dive deep into church every Sunday, and a chance to save money rather than spend.

But God has different plans for me. The day before my supposed "freedom day" of June 1, we learned of a very sick family member, and God literally punched me in the stomach, saying "yeah right, you thought you were in control of this life." It was a bittersweet moment. It was as if I almost could actually see for the first time that I was not in control of my own plans. Oh sure, I can make plans and carry them out, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm sitting shotgun. Which is a wonderful and frightening realization all at the same time.

The family member is OK, I'm settled for the time being, and plans are to stay that way. But I have a funny feeling that this summer will bring more surprises, trials and growth that I ever planned.