All I've Held On To

Stephanie's 2011 To Do List:

1. Be more creative. (homemade beach bags, wine toppers, finish t-shirt quilt)
2. Bake more.
3. Organize all photos from last two years.
4. Take at least two vacations with the hubby.
5. Create a professional portfolio.
6. Grow tomatoes in the summer.
7. Read and actually study the Bible in my daily devotionals.
8. Scrapbook and organize all wedding books and photos.
9. De-clutter.
10. Use more coupons.

Surely this list isn't comprehensive, but something my mind started wandering towards during a quiet work day. Looks like 2011 is all about streamlining and enjoying the life Jason and I are building for ourselves. Less planning, more living.

Restoration Station

It's amazing what can change in a few hours.

After my "not so happy" blog post last week, within a few hours my entire world became a lot brighter. Everyone is entitled to a grumpy day, right?

But, the power of restoration came through and my Christmas season turned much merrier than expected.

Jason and I had a memorable and romantic first Christmas night by ourselves:

We traveled to New Orleans to see one-half of our fabulous family:

And then traveled to Pineville to see the other half of our fabulous family!

(even though this picture is from Thanksgiving...it's the same great people!

And we celebrated the true meaning of the season. It all felt wonderful. And made me remember how thankful I am, even in the stormy seasons of my life. Restorative time with friends and family remind us how lucky we are. I'm feeling back to normal and in a good place for a new year.

Even though I'm sad to see Christmas end, and even 2010, I know the next year will be just as filled with adventures, ups and downs, sickness and health, new beginnings, new changes and happy times. And more reminders that God is in control of all we do, think, feel and hear.

Merry Christmas (from this reformed Grinch)!

Leave Them All In Awe

I am determined not to miss Christmas.

This is the best time of the year, the spirit, the joy, the fun, the parties, the gifts, the shopping, the traditions, the everything we wait all year for is here, and I'm missing it.

After being sick for longer than I can even remember, here we are three days before Christmas and I still can't muster the energy to do all the things I love the most. Wrap presents. Bake. Driving to see Christmas lights. And it's making me feel very grinchy.

This is my FIRST MARRIED CHRISTMAS. I had visions of romantic dinners by the Christmas tree, and late nights sneaking presents under that tree. Cold Christmas mornings snuggled under blankets opening our economical and thoughtful gifts together. Making homemade cinnamon rolls and then hitting the roads to see our families to celebrate.

None of that seems like it will happen now. It's more like struggling home late from work, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner and lighting enough candles in the house so it doesn't smell like a dead lizard (a whole different story). I'm lucky if I plug in the lights to the Christmas tree.

I need some pixie dust or something from Santa to break me out of this funk. Because, by golly, I will not miss Christmas!

Gonna Come

I feel a shift.

A shift in the earth. In my bones. At my desk.

A shift in the way I feel and how I make my day count.

It's been dormant for a little while, but now the sparks are starting to glow much brighter. The big pieces are starting to move ever so slightly in the right direction for new things, new places, new faces.

It was a quiet shift. It came suddenly, but softly.

It's unmistakeably God's quiet voice. Something new is out there to discover and to experience. For Him. For my family. For me. It's strange how even though I haven't prayed specifically for this, he knew all along what was on my heart, and made his move.

Mariachis Locos!

El Salvador. A beautiful country. A sad country with great pride. A place with great unique factors, like their food, their warmth and their music. But it's a place where my new family calls home and one they welcomed me to with open arms.

Our week-long adventure in El Salvador began with food, and ended with more food. I could live off this food. Pupusas, frijoles, salsa, coffee, approz con pollo, anything and everything with lime.

We visited so many beautiful places, Finca QueQueQueisa a coffee plantation where 100% of the profits are donated back to the city it is in for community projects, such as running water and school improvements. Apaneca, a beautiful mountain region where we drove (for quite a while) and saw great views of the mountains, and the people that live there. And we saw all the places that are special to the family, homes, restaurants and more.

The wedding we attended was also a great time. It again reminded me of my own wedding. Surrounded by family, friends and a fabulous party. I learned more than I ever thought I would about Jason and his family. How crazy, loving, and fun-loving they are. How much they don't worry about food, or sleep, and how they really just want to have fun with their family.

I hope to make it back there one day with my own children. Just as I will show them where I come from, I want to always remember where my other family comes from. A beautiful country, with an even more beautiful family.

Some People Wait A Lifetime

Good friends. Good family.

Good grief. I can't for the life of me dig down deep and write anything meaningful lately. Life has been too happy lately...I guess that's a good thing :)

I did make a startling discovery the other day. I love washing Jason's work shirts. Who knew that one load of laundry could bring me so much joy. I'm still ambivalent to the rest of the laundry. But putting all those white, oxford shirts, with cuff stains and the smell of car cleaner, into the washing machine, and then taking them out fresh, crisp and clean makes me feel more like a housewife than anything else. It makes me feel like I'm in an I Love Lucy episode, and that's a fun feeling.

The picture's above are from a fabulous birthday outing for Jason and our best friend Justin's birthday. Rock N Bowl in New Orleans was a blast! The company we keep is nothing short of spectacular, and the best part is, is I can take this photo, put it right next to a photo from 2004 when we were all freshmen/sophomores in college, and it would be the same group of people -- hanging on to each other as a family. That makes me feel like I'm in a Friends episode.

My life in TV episodes...now that would be an interesting blog post...

Year After Year

I've been thinking a lot about work lately. And how in three years at one job, I've learned more about what I do and do not enjoy about work, life, myself, other people, than I ever learned on a college campus. A few reflections:

- Most people don't have a clue what they are doing, the ones that succeed are the best at faking it
- Putting myself in situations that scare the bejeezus out of me, has given more confidence and drive than I thought possible
- It's a man's world
- The image I have of myself is very different than what others think of me, and that's a good thing
- People listen when I use my outside voice
- I am grateful to be from a small town, it helps put things in perspective
- It IS possible to be nice, yet firm, and get what you want (I'm still practicing this, but I've seen it work)

I find myself challenged everyday. And it is refreshing when I face those challenges and succeed, but also greatly humbling when I fall just short. It's OK that I'm still learning. It's OK that I don't know it all. Everyday is a new challenge.

Conversing With The Flowers

Although not the best quality, these pictures were taken at the Sugarland concert Jason and I attended.

What a great, memorable, Summer night.

Gleeful!

Coming to 'Glee' Season 2: Original Music, a Sue Sylvester Book, a Second Theme Show - TCA Report

I'm So Glad

It felt like we were on the edge of everything. The day of the wedding felt surreal, it felt wonderful and it felt extreme. The whole weekend made both Jason and I feel more connected, stronger and more in love than ever before. But what I've been thinking about most lately were the quiet moments shared between the time we left the church in the limo and arrived at the reception.

We looked at each other like it was the first time. Seeing each other in a wedding dress, tuxedo, veils -- it was almost as if it was a completely new person, but so familiar. It was the strangest feeling to see someone you've looked at over and over for seven years, and they now fill a completely new space. An amazing, fun, exciting space. What an incredibly new feeling! Our first few moments shared as husband and wife, driving through the summer rain, have made the last few months so sweet and close to my heart.

I'm sure all newly married couples have felt this way. That everything great is ahead of them and they have all the time in the world to enjoy it. I'll never forget those moments, nor the million others shared over that muggy weekend in May.

The Power of Positivity

By A Moment

The simple pleasures of this week:

- enchilada casserole
- multiple recorded episodes of Barefoot Contessa
- clean, fluffy sheets
- finding my wedding veil/headpiece and framing it in its beautiful shadow box
- writing thank you notes (it's actually nice to remember)
- using coupons at the grocery store for the first time

Simply splendid, right?

Coming Together

Ladies and Gentlemen, our first piece of furniture as newlyweds:





Hooray for the table!

Romantic Dumpsters

Boxes. Boxes. Boxes. Everywhere I look. Boxes. Trash. Boxes.

Lately I've felt like my entire world is one big box. A box to unwrap, unpack, peel a tiny sticker off, rinse and put away. But then, there leaves the empty box. And that box becomes another box and another and another until that pile consumes my entire kitchen. And I have a moment where I might just explode. But then we take a trip to the dumpster. And it is all released, thrown away and new again.

I can't help but laugh about how much my newlywed life has revolved around a dumpster. The countless trips to the illegal dumpster where we go at night so we don't attract the poor restaurant owner who has to wonder why every morning there are more Bed Bath and Beyond boxes in his dumpster, than his own leftover food.

But I was thinking this morning about our romantic dumpster trips. Because every box we throw away is a small piece of our old lives going away, leaving small spaces for our new life. The cieling-high piles are dwindling, leaving room for shiny new toys; and photos of the wedding are being moved into the spaces that once held stacks of wedding planning books.

I'll be glad when all of the boxes are gone. But can't wait to see all that remains in our new life together.

Till I'm New Again

What is this sun that conquers mountains
Singing over what has been asleep?
What is it that softens all my doubting?
It's You

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes
That have been covered by the hurt of yesterday
Who could create in me the vision of a little child?
It's You

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes, You do

You see all my pain
And cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes, You do

When I have been a victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is You

You, you make me new
You make me new
Oh, You make me new

-- "New" Bethany Dillon

Nothing I Wouldn't Do

I am still reeling. Reeling from the wedding. From the move. From everything.

I'm still remembering tidbits of things that made that day so special and memorable.

And I hope to capture those as they pop up in my brain.

But most of all, I hope to capture the feelings and emotions of now. Of this new life. Of married life. It's strong. It's potent. And powerful. But at the same time it's everyday, normal and safe.

It's a pretty incredible feeling. Freedom and connection in one place. Safety and adventure. Exciting and simple. All at the same time. It's pretty amazing.

From the Other Side

LOVE.

Hop On Board

I had a moment last night. A moment where someone says something that stuns you enough leaving you speechless.

"You're not enjoying, you're processing."

How true. This was said to me by none other than my lovely hubby to be, who in his heart of hearts cares so deeply that he was concerned I was missing out on the best moments because my brain was already thinking about the next. We had just moved furniture into our new house, and I was quietly processing everything that needs to get done before next Saturday, instead of enjoying that moment.

He was right. Well, part right. :)

I've tried my best through all of this to soak it all in. To truly breathe in the grandness and grandiose-ness of the engagement, wedding planning, love-dovey stuff. And I think I've done a really good job. But, in these last few weeks, when the details start to pile up, he has a point that this is when I should most be happy and let these moments wash over me, instead of trying to keep them at bay to accomplish my to-do list.

I don't want to process the wedding. I don't want to process the honeymoon. And I certainly don't want to process being married. I want to live it. To enjoy it. To experience it.

And that's exactly what I plan to do from this moment on. Seize the day!

This Woman's Worth

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

I've had to say good-bye a lot lately.

Good-bye to a life that I built for myself, a single life, a life that I grew weary of and am ready to leave behind, but something that was wholly mine all the same. I created a little home in my 700-square-foot apartment, a haven from the world that was all mine to be messy, to decorate pitiful Christmas trees and watch as many episodes of Gilmore Girls as I wanted to.

Good-bye to a sister who has always been within reach. Always been a car ride away from a girls night complete with musicals, movies and supper. A lifetime of being a few bedroom doors away now has become a kagillion bedroom doors and miles away.

Good-bye to an era of freedom. A time in life where everything is open, free, exciting and new. LSU created in me a sense of adventure and individuality that flourished with my group of friends that made me whole.

All of these good-byes have given me a great sense of sadness.
But I've seen such joyful things through them all.

Saying good-bye to my single life, means I now have a partner in life. Someone will be by my side through it all, someone who understands me (usually more than I do myself) and will carry me when I can't go another step (not to mention carry the groceries in from the car).

Saying good-bye to a sister has taught me more about how I want to be. I want the courage of my sister and brother-in-law to step out on faith and begin a new adventure. The tenderness and undying love of my mother who I happily turn into more each day. And the strength and sacrifice of my father, who through it all is a pillar of faith and love.

But it seems that after every goodbye, there is a moment of joy. A moment where your heart twinges and says "it will be OK." Through it all, it will turn into something bigger and better than you could have ever dreamed. And all of those joyful moments are carrying me through to May 1 and on.

Something Good

It's getting closer. Closer and closer by the day, is the day of all days. WEDDING DAY.

I've had the most amazing few months. I feel as though I have to take each moment and encapsulate them in little marbles of memories to store them in a glass jar by my bed so that everyday I can take them out and remember the moments over and over again. The showers, the parties, the planning, everything has been happening so fast, yet so purposefully and so in the right direction that I feel as though I'm on a wedding conveyer belt, steadily heading towards the altar. Smooth sailing (knock on wood!)

These last two months are going to be even better. Ever greater. Ever more sweet and humbling.

Moving Step by Step

I'm pretty much at the end of it.

I can't get out of my own way.

She Said I Think I'll Go

I'm sitting here in Louisiana, waiting for the snow to fall. Thinking about the Saints winning the Super Bowl and planning my wedding. 2010 truly has turned into a year to remember.

No Matter How Hard I Try

Life has been a whirlwind lately. How can one find time to record their thoughts, when they can't even think their thoughts?

It's been a joyful time lately. Really exciting. Really fun. Really emotional. I have been reminded of the precious and protected friendships I've gathered over my years at LSU, and how far deep these girls go into my veins. We are for one another. And feel happy for one another. Sad for one another. and celebrate with each other. They have proven over and over how lucky I am to have walked on to that college campus and into their hearts.

It's also been a crazy time lately. The state of Louisiana has gone haywire. Absolutely bananas. The Saints in the Super Bowl. Now I've admittedly become a Saints fan on the recent bandwagon. I became a fan when I came to LSU, so I can't proclaim the die hard fandom, but the night I spent at the House of Blues in New Orleans celebrating the Saints going to the Super Bowl will forever give me goose bumps. I have never seen more joyful, excited, overwhelmed or happy people in one room. When the ball made it through the goal posts, you would have thought that the center of the earth had erupted. I will remember it for the joy and the for the meaning it has to a city that breathes life into a normally mundane society. And for another reason being from Louisiana is a mark of pride and honor, instead of something to hide.

And oh yeah, I'm getting married in 3 months.

Uggity Uggity

I see lilies everywhere I go now! It's fate!

Never Takes Too Long

Happy New Year! Happy 2010.

What a year this will be. And I thought 2007 was a doozy. Big things are happening. So big that they spin over my head rocket ships. Massive things.

1. A wedding. OUR wedding. My wedding. Jason's wedding. In four months. It almost seems surreal. And makes me feel a little disconnected from it all, because we've waited for so long, that now these things are happening, i.e, showers, parties, it's almost as if we're watching it all happen in slow motion. But the fun type of slow motion that makes you giggle, rewind and giggle some more. A happy slow motion.

2. New places. Liza and Johnathan are moving in April. The decision has been a while in the making, making it a disconnect for me as well. I'm so used to having her near, all the time. I think I'm starting to realize what this will mean. But, even though my heart is starting to slowly crumble from missing them already, what a beautiful step they are taking on faith. To reach others for Christ. To serve those in need and to serve our country. It reminds me of God's faithfulness to us. In our most terrifying moments, he brings peace in the madness and joy in our sadness. I can only hope Jason and I have the same opportunity to faithfully follow God's will in our lives, even if it means big moves and new places.

2010 will be great. It will be humbling. It will be wonderful. I think this year is when the cream rises to the top. When the men are separated from the boys (figuratively), and the year I find something inside myself that I never knew I had. Removing myself from the rat race. And falling in an open sea of anything's possible.