To Close The Door

I made a promise to myself during the recent Women's Conference at my church. And I wrote it on a little card and placed it in the book of Ruth (the book we were studying). It was a promise to myself, and to God that I would daily weep and rejoice forward. Forgetting what is behind and trusting daily that God is taking care of me and my life. A day-to-day reminder that I needed to DAILY give my concerns and worries to Him.

That was three weeks ago. I did well for the first few days. I felt lighter. Positive. Joyful.

But I've twisted myself all up again. Sometimes I feel like a bobbin on a sewing machine as it is being wound. It goes so fast, and winds so tightly against the spool it's like a tasmanian devil. I feel like I'm being wound really really tight at a furious pace, then I don't have control over. My foot isn't on the pedal. Sickness. Moving. Worries. Anticipation. Stress. Unknown. Money. All of the emotions and circumstances in life are flying pretty hard at me and it feels like it won't stop.

But then, I realized something. After all that fury of winding the thread, you place the bobbin in the right place, and as you begin to slowly sew, the thread is loosened and guided by the artist's hands, and begins to create and shape new and beautiful things.

That same foot that wound me so tightly, will slowly and graciously release me and my life to create new and better things. This made me remember exactly why I made that promise to myself.

So here I am, back to my daily habit of remembering who is in control and letting go. It is difficult, but not impossible. Unwinding to His new mercies and forgiveness for my stubborness to want to control it all. Yielding to the Artist's hands and vision, not my own.

Love Like A Hurricane

He is jealous for me
Love like a hurricane, I'm like a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

And all of a sudden, I'm unaware
Of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
How he loves, oh

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

And Heaven meets Earth like an unforseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way that he loves us

Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us...

--David Crowder Band {How He Loves Acoustic}

This Is My Father's World

Stephanie's Top 5 Things To Do With The Rest of February:

1. Attempt to finish first side of T-shirt quilt:


2. Decorate the house for Mardi Gras!

3. Finish reading "This Much I Know Is True" -- not my favorite book, but I MUST finish it

4. Re-evaluate my new Once A Month Cooking idea -- I planned out all the meals in February ahead of time and scheduled when I would cook them, freeze them, etc. This was in hopes that I could save time and money by only grocery shopping once or twice a month, rather than every week. I think the pilot month has been a success! We have eaten out less, and I have at least 5 fully cooked meals in the freezer ready to go on a busy weeknight (mostly soups, but hey..it's winter). Full report to come!

5. Send all winter coats to be dry cleaned. Maybe this will bring the beautiful Spring weather faster!

Beyond It All

The title of my post actually means something this time. I'm beyond it all.

I'm beyond worrying.
I'm beyond asking.
I'm beyond questioning.
I'm beyond second-guessing.
I'm beyond. it. all.

Lately it seems that my favorite word is "crappy." Work is crappy. My attitude is crappy. My sleep is crappy. And my speech is even crappier. It's been a lot of treading water around these parts, and fighting against things that are so much larger than me, I feel like a minature version of David, against a much bigger version of Goliath.

I come home defeated because I feel as if I fought all day for things I treasured, or believed in, or was proud of, only to have them given freely to someone else on a platter. Work is difficult. I'm constantly on edge and constantly on fire. But the funny part is -- for what? What am I fighting for? It certainly isn't anything that important, and certainly isn't what I should be wasting my energy on. It's just work. And it's not work that is giving me anymore in return than I put in it.

It's been a struggle. But I'm starting to see the fire die down, and the breeze is blowing the ashes in a new direction. Jason and I have been praying for this for a while now and I see it changing. I see God moving in this. I see myself changing. I see my hope renewed that all of this is for a reason, and I'm not there in vain.

So I'll listen to that small voice who is saying "Be still. Stop fighting. Just let it be. I'm here." And breathe in a new day tomorrow, beyond it all.

‎"Do not be afraid. Stand firm ... The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still..." Exodus 14:13a, 14

When You Only Meant Well

Life lately:

I Know This Much Is True -- Wally Lamb

"The Town" -- Directed by Ben Afleck

Young Professional Bible Study -- "Don't Waste Your Life"

Black bean and salsa soup

More doctor appointments

The end of an era

"winter weather" days home from work

New office furniture

Breaking Free -- Beth Moore

American Idol obsession

Blessings, blessings and more blessings

(the three latest brides!)

(yes, that's me, on stage with Sweet Potato Sale

playing the cowbell to "Sweet Home Alabama"

to ring in the new year!)

My handsome date!

In The Middle of the Night

Everybody needs girlfriends to be silly with.

I count myself very lucky.

And very loved.

But I Don't Want To

In the quiet moments this morning, after I kissed my husband good morning and was waiting on the cinnamon rolls to bake, I took a few moments to write my thoughts about this new year in my personal journal. Even though my thoughts filled pages and pages about excitement, uncertainty and renewed commitment, I had a moment where I felt I couldn't stop writing for fear I wouldn't remember all the wonderful times from this past year, and not correctly archive all the special moments I want to keep fresh in my mind.

But as the day went on and we routinely ran errands, cleaned and got ready for a new week, I had a sense of calm that took over. This year will be different than last. But that's OK. We'll never have another year like 2010, but thinking that it couldn't get any better than this is foolish. So many fabulous times ahead. So many great memories to be made.

So here's to a new year. A year of restoration and joy.