Walk These Halls

The last few days have been tough. Tough. Tough.

A refuge is what I seek. A hiding place from all those moments that bring me to my knees, and bring all of us to a place of longing for peace. I need a pure place where I can rest, where I can lay still and quiet from the world, and find a moment of rescue. I know that place exists in the arms of my Father, and in the peace that only God can fill me with. But lately God has felt distant, and I have felt unwilling to find Him.

It's like that song "Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?" There is a line in there that says "My world is changing, rearranging..." and that's exactly how I feel. The walls are changing, the hallways continually unwind themselves and crash into closed doors, cracked windows and uneven floors. I have felt hidden from my faith, unconnected to the very core of what makes me full of life. It's almost as if I'm too tired from this world to carry the weight of anything else, even the simple weight of childlike faith.

So here's to the prayers that fail my lips for the moment, and to the light that is flickering, but never burnt out, for I know His mercies are new every morning, and His compassions never fail me.

Viva!

’N Sync’s ‘No Strings’ decade’s No. 1 album

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34378315/ns/entertainment-music/


**squeals!!**

I Mean What I Say

with every beat, and step of shaky feet
with every song and melody to sing along
and with every moment I could fall in between
you stand and remain the strongest part of me

before, beyond and below the waves
the ups and downs of future battle days
we march on to the beat of our own machine
you as the front soldier, and the bravest part of me

today and even more tomorrow I'm sure
ever more than yesterdays before
that in the deepest layers in the middle you see
you are the strongest, bravest and best part of me


{Brave Solider}
12.7.09

Be of Good Cheer

It's finally Christmas time! As a little elf myself, tis the season for scurrying around to decorate, eat, plan, enjoy, spend time (and money!), wrap, give, give and give. Tis the season for new beginnings and reconnections. For glowing lights and tree ornaments (if not eaten by Sadie). I LOVE, LOVE this time of year and plan to celebrate it to the fullest. Tis the season for my last Christmas as a single gal, and to a new year filled with new adventures!

Be In the Light

So I've had some fun, random moments happening lately that have really brightened up my day. Those small moments in the day where you go "huh, that was cool."

1. I filled up my gas tank and it landed exactly on $28.00 and clicked off - VERY exciting

2. I heard my favorite "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" on the radio three times in one day

3. I was the first car at the red light at the College/Perkins intersection for two mornings in a row

4. I've eaten an entire box of white fudge chocolate covered Oreos

5. AND I cleaned off my entire desk, side kitchen area to where I can actually see the floor and all my books, photo albums and scrapbooks are actually on shelves, and not in piles precariously teetering over Sadie while she sniffs for anything that could possibly be edible

It's been a random week for me!

All Your People Stand Amazed

What a great Web site/blog!

http://1000awesomethings.com/

My awesome thing for today: My first chance to listen to Christmas music on the radio.

Just To Show

I close my eyes
And I smile, knowing that everything is alright
To the core, so close that door
Is this happening?

My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware that you open the blinds and let the city in
And God, you held my hand, and we stand
Just taking in everything

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying to so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away

So we talk about moms and dads
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display for all to see
I cant believe this is happening to me

And I raise my hand as if to show you that I was yours

That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach and
We're tyring so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away

And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
Till I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do, I'll keep you in my dreams

I knew it from the start...

{18th Floor Balcony} - Blue October

It's That Time of Year

The first sighting of white fudge covered Oreos has been recorded.....and I bought FOUR boxes.

I love this time of year MOSTLY for these wonderful little bites of heaven.

....and egg nog.

Oh Shoot

For The Rescue Of Us All

I am calm. Cool and collected.

I've been thinking about the vastness of marriage lately and what "getting married" really means. Is it simply "I do" or is it more "I know I will"? Is it more "I love you so much right now" or "I am certain I will love more and more every day."?

Wedding plan is amazing. I'm L-O-V-I-N-G it. Not so much for the preparations of the wedding day, but more how planning the details have continually reminded me and brought me back to a central place of hope and calm, and rembrance of why Jason and I have made it here, and will make it there.

Questions like "what type of flowers do you want" and "what songs are being played" and "what type of electric knife do you want to register for" all bring back to memories of our relationship and little pieces of Jason that I have thoroughly fallen in love with. Memories of yellow lilies when I was sick, and the many dances we have shared, trying to cook pupusas, and jumping over rain puddles. Listening to "our songs" again to pick just the right ones for the wedding, and revisiting our parent's history to incorporate their traditions of love and marriage, and making sure our wedding day is an almagamation of all the little memories of pieces of ourselves incorporated into one big party has been the greatest joy and challenge to date.

Excuses, Excuses

Would you love me if you saw
All that's in me, all that's wrong
I am on my knees
I am on my knees
I am on my knees, I need you God

Will you hold me in Your arms
Will you show me who You are
I am on my face
I am on my face
And I am on my face, Your grace I seek

Will you take me, shape my soul
Will you make me, like you Lord
I am on my feet
I am on my feet
And I am on my feet
And I am on my feet, I'll be all yours

[More Than Anything]
Fike & Dana

Great To Be!

It's wedding planning time! I've waited my whole life to plan a wedding and now it's here! My super-OCD organizing skills (minus my lack of cleaning and de-cluttering skills) will now be put to good use. I'm determined to be efficient, organized and bold with my decisions and make executive decisions when they are required, and let the small things go when they are unneccessary.

This is going to be fun -- and I'm going to make it even fun-ner!

We Need A Taxi

Alllooooooooha!

Or so say the locals of Hawai'i (pronounced Ha-vi-eee). What a great trip! Vacation, vacation, vacation. I haven't taken a real vacation in a while (not counting Seattle) and it was fabulous! Great times with family, a much needed respite into their world and out of my daily world. It really is a beautiful place -- the air feels cleaner and more energizing, and the scenery transports you into a more serene and thoughtful place.

Much thinking was done on the trip, and on the planes that took us from here to there. And mostly about my luck in life, and the many blessings that I've been given. I think about all the things that drive me, and it's not work, or acclaim, not money, or fame -- but the family and friends that surround me all the same.

Mahalo!

All A Blur

Stephanie's Top 5 Things to Do Before Leaving For Hawaii




5. Wash all piles of clothes - this means TONIGHT
4. Clean out refrigerator and pantry so that when I come back, I can fill them with healthy wedding diet foods!
3. PACK - and pack well
2. Have a meditation session to calm my flying nerves
1. Learn how to hulu (and look super-fabulous while doing so)



Aloha!

I Choose Joy

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer."

-- Psalms 19:14

Lots of things on my heart. Happy things, sad things, exciting things, anxious things. Things that I didn't think I could bear to speak out loud, and others I could shout from the rooftops. Lots of big things.

But the greatest "Thing" about all these "things" is that God already knows my heart, and if I can't find the words to say them out loud, I can quietly hand them to God -- and he takes them into His own hands. He knows my past, present and future - and all that aches me or excites me, He will be there to guide me through the courageous utterances of my mouth and the quiet, unspoken meditations of my heart.

And The Waves Crash

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

I'm sitting here trying to find the right words to make sense of the last week and half, but words seem to fall short of the right expression. It's more of a giddy dance, combined with a huge sigh of relief, combined with a thousand "oh my gods" and "reallys!?" that could then be strung into a coherent sentence.

ENGAGED! I'm engaged! It actually happened. The one and only asked me to be his wife, and I said YES. YES. and YES!

A new adventure. A new journey to embark on. One that is not without its anxiety or wonderment of the event, but a past and future journey that is filled with love, honesty and laughter. He was right when he said it would be worth the wait. I don't think I have been able to truly sit down and process it. To think through what happened and really believe it. But, I know in my heart that my life will be a new adventure everyday.

Ito,

No matter what you say or what you worry about, you have been an amazing friend, boyfriend and will forever be a wonderful husband. Usted será un marido maravilloso.

You've Gotta Help Me Out

It's coming...........FINALLY!

Rescind

I officially rescind my last post. It was uncalled for and a little bratty. Shame on me for being bratty. I am not in a bad mood anymore, mostly because I am feeling creative.

I always thought I could be a writer. But, the BIGGEST concern would be, what would I write about? Work? Sadie adventures? Adventures in apartment land?

Not too thrilling. Not too novel-like, or short story-like, or limerick-like. So I'm starting to compile a list of all the things that I could write about it that would be interesting to the average consumer (marketing speak, for those of you not cool like me).

Feel free to add as you see fit any topics that seem anymore interesting than my disdain for mushrooms:

1. Being a Young Professional:
How in the heck did we get here? And how do we navigate?

2. 365 Things My Dog Can Eat Without Getting Sick:
I have a fairly substantial list going

3. Poems about Unrequited Jr. High Love Affairs:
Can anyone say rain rhymes with pain?

4. LOVE:
Small town girl meets big city, Spanish boy = awesome-ness!

5. The Tale of Concert Set Lists:
Is it considered rock and roll if you ask the sound guy for it?

6. Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Mushroom?
A User's Guide to Avoidance Training

Interesting, no?

Like Diamonds on the Floor

Why am I so bothered this morning? Who dares to cross my path at work when all I am trying to do is gently, quietly get through the day without actually having to do real work? Why am I so tuned into the small pitter patter of keyboard keys across from me? They sound like a symphony of jackhammers. Not to mention the hurricane wind-sound of the air conditioning or sniffing from across the hall that makes me want to throw my stapler through a window.

So silly of me. So silly of me to have one ounce of bad moodiness in me today. Sometimes it feels when I walk in my office, that my ears instantly become supernatural and all those little things that normally wouldn't be a bother continually grate at me all day.

Who cares if the water fountain drips and sounds like Niagra Falls? I do!

Who cares if the chewing and swallowing of an office mate sounds like a garbage disposal? I do!

And this all happens before anyone even opens their mouth to dare and utter a word...

Far Along This Road

5 Things I Learned This Weekend:

5. Antonio Sabato Jr. is a hunkity-HUNK

4. I love waking up to sunny, cool mornings

3. It is perfectly acceptable to sing a Christmas carol at church in August

2. My dog is a lazy sack of potatoes

1. I love the weekends where I feel less like an automated robot and more like an actual person

C'est la vie!

On The Outskirts of Town

I ran across an article about the Mindset Series, where Beloit College publishes a list of "cultrual touchstones that have influenced the way new generations of college students think and perceive the world" Here is the link to the Class of 2013's list:

http://open.salon.com/blog/somyr_perry/2009/08/20/how_the_class_of_2013_thinks

So then I searched around and found the Class of 2007 (college graduation date) for my own Mindset List. I could say it's fairly accurate, though I'm ashamed to say I don't know what some of this is. Interesting read thought. I think my favorite is #46.

Class of 2007 Mindset List:

1. Ricky Nelson, Richard Burton, Samantha Smith, Laura Ashley, Orson Welles, Karen Ann Quinlan, Benigno Aquino, and the U.S. Football League have always been dead.

2. They are not familiar with the source of that "Giant Sucking Sound."
3. Iraq has always been a problem.
4. "Ctrl + Alt + Del" is as basic as "ABC."
5. Paul Newman has always made salad dressing.
6. Pete Rose has always been a gambler.
7. Bert and Ernie are old enough to be their parents.
8. An automatic is a weapon, not a transmission.
9. Russian leaders have always looked like leaders everyplace else.
10. The snail darter has never been endangered.
11. There has always been a screening test for AIDS.
12. Gas has always been unleaded.
13. They never heard Howard Cosell call a game on ABC.
14. The United States has always had a Poet Laureate.
15. Garrison Keillor has always been live on public radio and Lawrence Welk has always been dead on public television.

16. Their families drove SUVs without "being fuelish."
17. There has always been some association between fried eggs and your brain.
18. They would never leave their calling card on someone’s desk.
19. They have never been able to find the "return" key.
20. Computers have always fit in their backpacks.
21. Datsuns have never been made.
22. They have never gotten excited over a telegram, a long distance call, or a fax.

23. The Osmonds are just talk show hosts.
24. Undergraduate college athletes have always been a part of the NBA and NFL draft.

25. They have always "grazed" for food.
26. Three-point shots from "downtown" have always been a part of basketball.
27. Test tube babies are now having their own babies.
28. Stores have always had scanners at the checkout.
29. The Army has always driven Humvees.
30. Adam and PC Junior computers had vanished from the market before this generation went online.

31. The Statue of Liberty has always had a gleaming torch.
32. They have always had a PIN number.
33. Banana Republic has always been a store, not a puppet government in Latin America.

34. Car detailing has always been available
35. Directory assistance has never been free.
36. The Jaycees have always welcomed women as members
37. There has always been Lean Cuisine.
38. They have always been able to fly Virgin Atlantic.
39. There have never been dress codes in restaurants.
40. Doctors have always had to deal with "reasonable and customary fees" and patients have always had controls placed on the number of days they could stay in a hospital.

41. They have always been able to make photocopies at home.
42. Michael Eisner has always been in charge of Disney.
43. They have always been able to make phone calls from planes.
44. Yuppies are almost as old as hippies.
45. Rupert Murdoch has always been an American citizen.
46. Strawberry Fields has always been in New York.
47. Rock and Roll has always been a force for social good.
48. Killer bees have always been swarming in the U.S.
49. They have never seen a First Lady in a fur coat.
50. Don Imus has always been offending someone in his national audience.

In all fairness it should be understood that students entering college this fall do have a few items on their own lists that will separate them from many of their mentors:

- For many of them today, it’s all about the "bling, bling."
- They know who the "heroes in a half shell" are.
- Peeps are not a candy, they are your friends.
- They have been "dissing"and "burning" things all their lives.
- They can expect to get a ticket for "ricing out their wheels."
- They knew how to pop a Popple and trade a Pog.
- They can still sing the rap chorus to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the theme song from Duck Tales.

On The Dancefloor, Whoa

Monday morning again. Sunday night is gone. But it was a special Sunday night.

A Sunday night that held a quiet drive home through windy Highland Road and a heavy moment that hung in the air so delicately it made me catch my breath. It's funny how much a single statement can hold so much hope, so much promise.

"Very exciting things to happen soon and always."

Those might not be the exact words he said, but the moment was poignant enough that my ears filled with my heart in my throat. He wants to go on an adventure! And I will be his partner in that adventure.

Maybe I was excited about the "soon," or maybe "the always" part. Or maybe it was the way he gently tigthened his grip on my hand, that made me fall in love all over again. Always. With you always. With you now, and with you then. A promise made quietly and gently. In the words of a sleepy boy, to a very, very excited girl.

“They both still have their lives apart as well as a life together. They both still have their separate ways to find. But a marriage made in heaven is one where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone.” -- the ABCs of Faith, Beyond Words

Talking To Myself

Secrets. They are sticky buggers, aren't they? I find myself in the middle of the story lately. The middle of the page. Page 112 out of 347. The headline news finds its way to my desk (figuratively and literally) but it is wrapped in a neat little package marked 'SECRET' in scary red ink.

"I know something you don't know" plays in my head in the sing-songy child's voice that reminds me of the church playground, and all the girls would run around with gossip spilling from their lips.

Lately I've found myself "in the know" shall we say on a lot of different topics, that I can't divulge, share, embellish on or even mention in the company of others. Some fun things, some not so fun things.

I'm all for knowing, but it's the "not sharing with others" is the hard part.

My lips are sealed, mon ami.

Burned Down So Fast

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Did You Reach For Me?

You didn't have to explain.
I'm with you always, sunshine and rain
A garbage bag twist tie will do
As long as it means I spend my life with you

You don't have to worry or fret
We'll have the greatest adventure, I bet
You and me and love make three
And no one is as lucky to wait as me.

{For Better or Worse Can Wait}
8.6.09

Mighty To Save

The smiles in the photos, year to year
Remind everyone in the pews why we're here
A summer filled with prayer and devotion
Give the growing hearts more than empty emotion

Senior night, bus rides, young love and more
Silly games, saving grace, a reason to live for
Gently teaching, quietly showing and guiding along
Every hug and wiped tear, every praise and worship song

Even now, as the years have passed
The legacy of those summers live on in new faces
Group shots, nightly devotion, "flashback" and songs
The heart of those summers continue to move along....in Him.

{Youth Camp Summers}

Explaining To The Bosses

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her." ~ Unknown

Story of the Neighbors

I've been nostalgic of the memories these two ladies have given me over the last six years. Great friends, great time, great roommates. Great sisters.

There Is No Doubt

Stephanie's Top 5 Things To Do This Week:

5. Fold laundry that has been sitting in the basket since last Tuesday
4. Go to the grocery store
3. Finish reading book for book club (duchessess and dukes don't impress me much)
2. Chill out for once
1. Beat the highest level of difficulty on Spider Solitaire (this is a very hard task!)

I listened to Christmas music last night. It was definitely time for a little Christmas cheer :)

In All Your Ways

Just now marked the third time in two days that I have come across Proverbs 3:5-6.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

I've seen this verse in very random places and it has reminded me how much God is a part of my everyday life. It's easy to forget that he is there when I'm frustrated at work or in a meeting, or eating a snack, or doing anything. He's there and I need to trust Him.

I've had trouble lately with completely trusting him with the BIG stuff. The life decisions that I feel I should have the greatest control over. And I find it no coincidence that this verse has continually been around me the last few days. What a fresh and amazing reminder of the freedom we have to just have FAITH.

Asking Him To Change His Ways

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

And you fasten my seat belt because it is the law
In your two ton death trap I finally saw
A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret
Then you drove me to places I'll never forget

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys...

-- "Breakable," Ingrid Michaelson

Holy Guacamole

Man - it's been a while. Lots of stuff happening, eh?

Well the highlights are as follows:
24. hospital. gross-ness. work. birthday. work. immodium. saltines. work. national champions! work. sprite. more birthday. work. and work.

Half of 2009 is gone. My favorite half is yet to come (football! fall!) but this summer has turned out to be slower than expected, which is nice. Friends, family, food and food.

Cheers!

Off the Cuff

I feel pretty awesome right now...I subscribed to Rolling Stone. Doesn't that put me in the elite category of cool magazine subscribers? I think so...

Show Your World To Me

"May “for better or worse” be far better than worse.

May the most you ever wish for
Be the least you ever receive.

May the saddest day of your future
Be no worse than the happiest day of your past."

Rest Your Head

A rant for today:

I am capable.
I am busy.
I am helpful.
I am patient.
I am willing.
I am able.
I am confident.
I am experienced.
I am knowledgeable.
I am honest.

I am not the deadbeat loser on the other end of the phone who doesn't know what she's talking about, I am also not the person to bother today due to your lacking ability to do your own job. I will not be the kid bullied into deadlines and approvals that are not ready. I am also not the punching bag for those who can't do their own jobs and wait until the last minute to request a project that could not, and will not be completed to save your sorry butt. I will not answer anymore phone calls from people who are demeaning, degrading and condescending, nor will I will be the nice guy (or girl!) when someone blames me for missing invoices and accounting errors that I did not commit.

I will do things on the my pace. I will get things done when I get them done. I will be here all day to help. But I will play Spider Solitaire when you annoy and rush me. I do not answer questions about projects that don't pertain to me, and I will not do something to bend the rules for you because you didn't prepare. But I will send you to voicemail and refuse to call you back. And I will be sure and memorize your number so that no one ever picks up your phone call again.

Happy now?

I Don't Need To Think

It's amazing how songs can transport back into memories. Songs that I hear from high schoool remind of that same gym lobby smells and insecure feelings. I can't listen to certain songs for long periods of time because they cause me to feel 16 again, and it's really hard to pull myself back to 24. But at the same time, they are memories of times that made me feel more than a normal teenage girl, they made me feel brave, and rebellious and carefree.

A playlist of remembrance:

The Ataris - "So Long, Astoria"
Dave Matthews Band - "Pay For What You Get"
Alanis Morrisette - "No Pressure Over Cappucino"
Incubus - "Mexico"
The Beatles - "Come Together"
Pat Magee Band - "Rebecca"
Sister Hazel - "Your Mistake"

But, the good thing about music, is that it is always news and always refreshing. And the songs that I've found recently and the memories I have made, have trumped and diminished the inadequacies I felt in high school. They have been replaced with college memories filled with freedom, and joy and real friendships.

I think I'll always remember the smell of the gym floor, or classroms of high school, but the friends from college remain the most memorable of all.

I Will Go In This Way

The Top 10 Best Dave Matthews Band Songs

http://www.aolradioblog.com/2009/06/01/10-best-dave-matthews-songs/

I agree with this list. Great music!

Got A Couple Cents

It's summer! What a great time. Except that the heat really stinks.

These past few months have been intense. I've never celebrated, cried, worried, sang, prayed, hugged, kissed, missed and just plain worked harder then I ever have in my life. I've had more times to be happy and joyful then ever before, and I know the memories made this Spring will some of my favorite, and most tender. But at the same time, I've felt more frustrated and lonely then I have before.

For the longest time I've felt that if I could make it to June 1, my life would finally settle down. I would have two married best friends, a completed fiscal year at work, time to actually dive deep into church every Sunday, and a chance to save money rather than spend.

But God has different plans for me. The day before my supposed "freedom day" of June 1, we learned of a very sick family member, and God literally punched me in the stomach, saying "yeah right, you thought you were in control of this life." It was a bittersweet moment. It was as if I almost could actually see for the first time that I was not in control of my own plans. Oh sure, I can make plans and carry them out, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm sitting shotgun. Which is a wonderful and frightening realization all at the same time.

The family member is OK, I'm settled for the time being, and plans are to stay that way. But I have a funny feeling that this summer will bring more surprises, trials and growth that I ever planned.

When Everything Is Temporary

I am a pack rat. I cleaned my closet this weekend and my bathroom cabinet, and the stuff I find, it's incredible. I found a sweater that I wore for my high school senior pictures, that I can't bear to let go. That was 7 years ago. Who keeps a sweater for 7 years, just because it is a nice reminder? Other highlights include:

- shoes from jr. high
- a rusted scarf
- multiple single earrings with no partner to match
- 8,000 safety pins and buttons (which I admit I did not throw away)
- 10,000 cleaners tags
- NSYNC poster
- And 4 bags of clothes that don't fit anymore - on their way to Goodwill

It was a cleansing experience. But, only scratching the surface of my spring cleaning. Much more to come. And many more memories to save!

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
There is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong...

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love...

The songs are raging on the rolling sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my LOVE

[To Make You Feel My Love]
as performed by Kris Allen

Blows Me Away

Sooo...American Idol. Done. Finished. Are you happy? Disappointed? Outraged?

I thought that the finale show was fun. Really great performances, the awards were pretty funny and the two finalists, Adam and Kris, both had great nights.

I was really impartial to who won. I loved Adam through the whole season, but I'm not surprised Kris won - and I'm actually pretty glad he won. He is the mainstream, he has the hearts of young America, the Christian persona, yet he has a sex appeal of the shy guy next door. I think it's exactly what American Idol strives to do, pick a no-name and make him into a star.

Adam was already a star and he will do amazing things. I can't wait to see him perform in real life, and maybe he'll go back to Broadway!

So, I think it was a great season. But what the heck will I watch on TV now?

One Day

Schmaduation!

A Haiku, in honor of Liza's graduation today. Enjoy!


Grad today, law next
Long time here, proud and so blessed
Sister, friend, LOVE you!

Awesome, right? Masterpiece, man. Masterpiece.

Fall Down Like Rain

I was thinking today how accustomed we have grown to noise. In my devotional book, there was a section about the freedom we have to quietly be in God's presence, and how much we take advantage of that significant freedom.

If you think about it, the amount of noise, distractions, smells, sights, sounds that flow in and out of our lives are phenomenal. Alarm clocks, running water, creaking houses, birds chirping, clicks of our mouses, the tip-taps of our keyboards, phones, sniffles, car horns, paper shuffling, the sounds of hi-liters running across pages and MORE. All of these sounds create a daily orchestra of the busyness and muchness of our lives.

Not to mention the internal distractions. The contstant ticker tape of thoughts that pass in one ear and out the other, alone, are enough to distract any person.

I'm thinking I need at least an hour or an afternoon to go somewhere completely quiet and think, pray and listen. I think it would do me a world of good to turn off the TV, computer and ticker tape, and just listen. I bet some great conversations could come out of those quiet moments alone with God.

Better As A Memory

I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm pissed. I'm aggravated. I'm annoyed. I'm flustered. I'm bent out of shape. I'm irritated. I'm mad. I'm incensed. I'm furuious. I'm outraged. I'm infuriated. I'm irate. I'm heated. I'm fuming. I'm livid. I'm enraged.

I feel better.

Wouldn't Turn Out Right

You tucked me in, turn out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brush my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things would turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Catepillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far, but you can always dream
Wish you may, and wish you might
Don't you worry hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day

Butterfly, fly away

Butterfly, Fly Away -- Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus

Leaves Change in the Fall

A very random day for me:

- I cancelled my membership at the YMCA. I can't think of a more degrading experience. Going in there to basically say "I'm too lazy to look good," and then watching all the buff bodies pass you by - it's very humbling. And then they wait 30 days to process your cancellation, basically mocking the fact that they get to take your money for one more month, while you sit on your lazy butt and gain more weight...suckers

- I gave a $20 tip for a $15 eyebrow wax....who does that!?

- Sadie bit my toe.

Wedding time!!

If You Wake Up

Need To Get Back

Ito

You didn't sign the lease. I love you.

Mi vida está siempre con usted...

I Don't Do Good

It's been an interesting past few weeks. It's been a few weeks of really thinking about the space between childhood and adulthood. When does it happen? When does childhood suddenly turn into responsibility?

Is it the day you graduate from college? Your first job? When you get married? Or do we ever really grow up?

When do you go from sorority functions to employee happy hours?
What changes to make you wish for spring break, to make you wish for a break at all?
When is the point that "the real world" becomes more than a Matchbox 20 song?
How many threads lie between a power suit, and a toga?

It's been an interesting feeling, when I'm thrown into a world of professionalism, deadlines, e-mail traffic and responsbility. There is no manual to show you how to transition from the college/young adult life, to the real life. I feel like that is a gap missing in literature, poetry, music and education. How do you truly prepare for the pressures that come from the responsibilities of adulthood, and the unfulfilled expectations of childhood?

I feel that there is this huge void between these two power points in your life. And this is the time when a lot of young professionals fall through the cracks. Do you climb up the rope life hands you, or do you hang yourself with it?

I've seen a lot of people my age avoid this transition at all costs. Whether it be more school, non "real" jobs, or whatever it means, I've seen it avoided like the plague. And I can see why - it's tough being counted on by co-workers double your age, double your experience and double your pressure. I'm finding it really difficult to meet these lofty, adult expectations, yet still be drawn (and surrounded by) the lure of college life once more.

Maybe it's cured by moving out of a college town? Maybe it's that easy? Or maybe we live in culture where we're surrounded by the mantra of "avoid the mainstream," at all costs? "Riding your bike mid-day past the three-piece suits," type of anthem. Or maybe I underestimate myself. I know I can meet those expectations of the co-workers, yet find the fun in life and never lose that innocence.

If anyone has any insight into this, please share. It could come in handy for a lot more people, who I know, feel the same way.

Revolution!

Fight For Your Right

Perfect Love

"Fear is a ravenous beast that can eat away at our faith and paralyze us until we are unable to move. But, where God's love is, there is no fear. I do know that God is love, and his love is bigger than any past circumstances or fear that would attack you. Remember 'Perfect love casts out all fear' - 1 John 4:18"

--excerpt from Amazing Freedom

Consume Us With You

Fireman dresses as Spider-Man to rescue boy
Comic-loving autistic kid on balcony had refused to let others near him
The Associated Press

BANGKOK - A Thai firefighter dressed as Spider-Man to rescue an autistic boy who climbed onto a third-floor balcony and dangled his legs over the side because he was nervous on his first day of school.

Firefighter Somchai Yoosabai was called in after the 11-year-old boy's teachers and mother failed to coax him off the ledge on Monday, he said in a telephone interview Wednesday.

"He was nervous about the first day at school, and he was asking for his mother," Somchai said.

"He cried and refused to let any of us get close to him."

Overhearing a conversation between the boy's mother and his teachers about his love for comics and superheroes, Somchai rushed back to the fire station to change into a Spider-Man costume before swinging into action.

"I told him Spider-Man is here to save you. No monster will hurt you now," Somchai said. "Then I told him to walk slowly toward me. I was very nervous that he might have slipped if he got too excited and ran."

Somchai, who keeps costume of Spider-Man and a Japanese superhero Ultraman to liven up fire drills at schools, said the teary-eyed boy broke into a smile and started walking into his arms.

The fictional hero was created by comic-writer Stan Lee in the early 1960s. The character regained its popularity in recent years thanks to the trilogy of Hollywood films starring Tobey McGuire and Kirsten Dunst.

How Do You Sleep?

I have pretty great friends. Guys and girls. They hug me, really hug me when they say hello and good bye. Even when we don't get together as often as we would like, it's always a good time when we get together. Especially when there is crawfish invovled.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with God and how stubborn he is. He continually is patient and when I fall from my faith, he is quietly waiting for me to come home. He is also been stubborn with me and Jason, waiting for us to get out of the way of our own selves. Growing in Christ has been a journey, and as more days pass, the more excited I am about finding out what God has planned for me. I know if I follow his lead, it will be in the right direction.

Would You Say I Told You So?

Even though it wasn't on Broadway or as professional of a production as this one:

I saw Les Miserables at Chapel on the Campus this week and it was amazing! It reminded how much I love music, and especially music that means something. The theme in Les Miserables is very telling, and hearing the music once again on stage was exactly what I needed - a refresher, and an emotional shot in the arm to revive my monotonous days.

Cheers!

Up to Something Good

This is how I feel sometimes - hanging on for dear life:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29107616/displaymode/1107/s/2/framenumber/6/

Haven't Been Around Lately

So, Spring is in the air. The time has changed, which has completely thrown me off and it's starting to get warmer. I like this time of year, but dread the hot weather to come. I wish it would stay like this, warm during the day, cooler in the evening, night and morning. It fits me just fine.

I'm gearing up for wedding season! So many exciting things happening, back to back parties and showers - it's going to be a really great couple of months for friends, and for me! It's a strange feeling now that we are all growing up and becoming our own families. We went from our biological family, to a tight knight "friend/sorority" family, and now we are all making new, real families. It's a great thing to be a part of.

That's a Good One

A Little More of Me

Constantly amazed by the blades of the fan on the ceiling
The clever little glances she gives me can't help but be appealing

She loves to ride into town with the top down
Feel that warm breeze on her gentle
She is my next of kin

I see a little more of me everyday
Little Miss Magic, whatcha gonna be?

Sometimes I catch her dreaming
And wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strolling along the shore
Or cruising over the broad savannah
I know someday she'll learn to make up her own rhyme
Someday she's going to learn to fly
Oh that I won't deny

I catch a little more dialogue coming my way
I catch those little brown eyes start to looking astray
Little Miss Magic, whatcha going to be?

-- Jimmy Buffett, Little Miss Magic

You Are Stronger

This is a really cool video. Makes you want to go buy paper lanterns.

Would You Agree?

[5.8.07] - Festival

The rain smelled like fish
And mud ran between my toes
I was closing one chapter
And opening another, I suppose

Count them all, the Crows they sing
And from the rain comes the silly king
But from father, mother, sister bring
Another page in this crazy thing - called life.

Sunshine through the window

Click the picture above to view the full story...

Phenomenon, Schmphenomenon

This started as a Facebook phenomenon, but I thought it would fit nicely here.

25 Random Thing About Me

1. I only like to write with black ink.

2. I have to eat at least three cookies at a time. Not two, not four. Three.

3. I have a wonderful family and I'm proud to be an Ortego, and will be equally as proud to be a Roussell (eek!).

4. I used to drink leftover Italian dressing from salads directly out of the bowl.

5. I secretly want to be a Broadway actor/dancer/singer, but lack serious ability in all three.

6. I HATE traffic and turn into a monster when I feel trapped in traffic.

7. I've been a Christian since I was 7, and have never questioned my faith. It has made me into who I am today.

8. I can't eat leaning over, I have to eat sitting up straight and very close to the table.

9. I have tiny toenails.

10. I love wearing my James Avery cross ring on my left ring finger because of all that it signifies: my grandparents, my purity and my faith.

11. Even though I adore my girlfriends now, I'm very nostalgic, and miss my high school girlfriends, and wish we would have stayed closer - great things are happening to them and I want to share those memories.

12. I am a pack rat, and save everything from candy wrappers to coke bottles. I have a phobia of throwing things away that I might could use later (for example, I never throw pickle or olive jars away, they could be used for craft projects!) - I have an entire cabinet full of these bottles.

13. I admit it, I have washed Ziploc bags and flattened out used aluminum foil to reuse them. Just call me Myra.

14. I talk to my dog Sadie, like she could actually answer me back. I know she understands me.

15. Reality shows are my addiction. Especially Rock of Love.

16. I try and have a quiet time everyday to pray and read, it is also the time where I write the most.

17. I feel more powerful when I wear heels.

18. It annoys me when people correct me. I'm stubborn.

19. I love that I went to a co-ed, public school. It taught me more than book smarts, it taught me how to stand up for myself and take criticism graciously.

20. I've gained a little weight since high school and it affects me more than I thought.

21. I planted corn once with my grandpa. I also used to play Battleship with my other grandfather. These two memories are some of my favorite.

22. I never got interested in MySpace.

23. I love Jason because of how we've grown up together, but I love him more for the man he is turning in to. He makes me laugh and watching him grow in Christ has been an honor.

24. My brain is like a ticker tape of thoughts - constant, unrelenting and sometimes obnoxious. I wish I could turn it off sometimes.

25. I miss my old cat Clarence. I secretly think I killed him because I took a picture of him close up, and I think the flash blinded him, and he ran away. I also miss my parakeet Skye - he used to dance to NSYNC with me.

Night and Day

Sooo we went camping. I made it through. No ticks and bug bites. Only a few massive spiders, but I was brave and did not scream while Katherine killed them. I also helped cut a tree branch, am I fabulous or what!? What else has been happening? I haven't been able to write as much as I would like lately. I'm getting more inspired to keep up with other "secret" projects (hint: being a marriable woman and conquering my fear of mushrooms), so writing has fallen. But I miss it, and the more I think about the events of my day, the more I think that putting them on paper helps me process through them. It also provides for a great foundation for future writing endeavors (think big!). I think I could do it. Maybe I should add that to my list of goals for this year.

Work has been intense lately. Very intense. Very very intense.

Stephanie's Top 5 Things to Do This Weekend:
5. Workout...twice.
4. Clean off my desk
3. Clean my balcony
2. Get my Mardi Gras dress hemmed
1. STEAM CLEAN!!

Making It Count

Music I want!

In My Heart and My Hands

I've been waking up happy lately. Somewhere deep down is a light that was switched on recently, and I feel happy. Excited. Joyful. Just happy. I feel silly for feeling that way, but the more I think about it the more I realize this is the way God wants us to feel. Extremely joyful for another chance at another day.

And it's not a passing joy, it's feels like a long-term peace. I feel like I've come to a place in my life where I can be content and happy where I am in the moment, not wishing for more, but understanding happiness in the time I'm given. Too sappy? Maybe so, but I know I'm not alone in this!

Possible wedding flowers?

Made Of

What the Facebook Is Going on Here?
How Are We Supposed to Advertise to the Social-Media Addicted?

Read the full article, here.

"...I assume these same people, when not getting on Facebook to tell friends who haven't seen them in 25 years that they're about to get on a plane to Vegas, are texting other people as well. If they are in such a dizzying mess of communication, how the hell are we advertisers supposed to make them look up for a second and get their attention? Oh that's right, maybe create a fan page for Lysol. Blah..."